just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
