Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
