Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
And then he peed in my hair
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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