so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
please come you make the beer taste better
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
