Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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