omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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