so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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