Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
