so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's the barista slut.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
