I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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