So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
