# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
