do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
