i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Your cock deserves a montage
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
