we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
