what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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