Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Terrible idea I love it
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
