You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
