At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
