I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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