I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
