Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
