I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize