i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
