A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Houston, we have a blender
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
