What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
