Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
