just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am available for nakedness
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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