I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
