I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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