Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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