That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
