Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
