so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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