I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
