If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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