My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
