your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
