Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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