you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
