Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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