great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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