Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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