This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
