using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
