Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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