I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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