i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
