"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
