I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
