so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
