I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I need moral support for this bender
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
