we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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