sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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