I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
