1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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