Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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