I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
birth control should be required to get into college
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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