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• (831): View more from California

  Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777

  (323): View more from California

  Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)

  (831): View more from California

  Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.

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• (909): View more from California

  Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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• (619): View more from California

  you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.

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