Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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