We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
