I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
