I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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