she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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