I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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