I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
