i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
