dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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