Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
